Self-criticism can sometimes serve a purpose, but it can also become harmful, impacting both our well-being and professional lives.

Some days, I feel invincible; other days, I’m convinced I’m a failure. Both extremes are untrue, yet those feelings can be overwhelming, especially during tough times. While a bit of self-reflection is beneficial, it’s crucial to differentiate between constructive evaluation and negative self-talk that says, “You’re not good enough.” How can we cultivate a healthier internal dialogue? Let's explore how to identify when you're overly critical of yourself and strategies to combat it.

Observe & Track

“Notice your inner voice,” advises psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do.” “Are you name-calling? Are you belittling yourself? Are you convincing yourself that success is out of reach?”

When you catch yourself doing this, simply note the when and why. Observing without judgment is key; being hard on yourself won’t help break the cycle. To gain clarity on your inner dialogue, jot your thoughts down. This process is not only therapeutic but also highlights patterns, enabling you to challenge negative thoughts effectively.

Assess & Refute Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts flood in, I try to pause and scrutinize each one. I ask myself: What’s the origin of this thought? Is there any truth to it? This helps me eliminate thoughts that aren't based in reality.

“Often, our negative self-talk is exaggerated and rooted in fear,” says Dr. Karen Reivich, a positive psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania and author of The Resilience Factor. When critical thoughts emerge, she suggests asking: “Is this helping or hurting me? Is this thought energizing or draining?”

Morin recommends evaluating your thoughts as if they were directed at a friend. “We tend to be harsher on ourselves than we would be on others,” she explains. “While it's fine to be honest with friends about mistakes, we can still do so compassionately.” Consider how you'd react if someone spoke to you the way you do to yourself. You wouldn’t tolerate verbal abuse from others, so don’t accept it from within.

Avoid Judging Your Character

While self-discipline is often needed, it’s essential not to forsake self-compassion. “Self-destructive criticism often targets your character. Instead of thinking, ‘I’m a bad person,’ reframe it to, ‘I made a poor choice,’” says Morin. Next time you catch yourself thinking something harsh, ask: “What specific behavior do I need to hold myself accountable for, rather than attacking my character?”

Embrace Your Whole Self

Remember, you are not defined by any single thought, feeling, or action. In fact, no single event defines your true self. Keeping this perspective helps you avoid fixating on minor setbacks or overly emotional responses to specific projects.

When facing challenges, like adapting to a new job, fostering positive emotions is crucial, as they help mitigate stress. “We often focus more on negative experiences than positive ones,” Reivich notes. Acknowledge your successes just as thoroughly as you would your mistakes. Initially, it may feel self-indulgent, but allow yourself to celebrate your achievements.

When you encounter constructive criticism (and it’s inevitable), don't view it as a chance to heap on more self-criticism. Instead, see it as an opportunity for growth. Ask yourself how to apply this feedback positively in your life; this mindset keeps you progressing rather than feeling trapped by negativity.