Are you and your partner clashing over finances? A couples therapist shares tips for managing these tough discussions.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, many will be rushing to purchase gifts and make dinner reservations. If you find yourself in this situation, consider the budget-friendly option of a cozy night in, away from the crowds.
This year, Americans are projected to spend nearly $26 billion on Valentine's Day, according to data from the National Retail Foundation. In light of this spending spree, we’re focusing on the intersections of love and finance. Specifically, we explore the reasons couples argue about money. Fidelity’s recent Couples and Money Study reveals that 44% of couples have financial disputes, with one in five citing money as their top relationship hurdle. Despite this, many avoid discussing finances altogether. A study by Personal Capital found that four in ten individuals shy away from financial discussions with their partners.
However, avoiding these conversations isn’t a long-term solution, as finances are crucial to significant relationship milestones. To plan for a wedding, purchase a home, raise children, or save for retirement, alignment on financial matters is essential. We consulted couples therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, who has dedicated over ten years to helping countless couples improve their relationships. She co-founded OURS Wellness, a couples counseling practice, and authored the book, “I Want This to Work: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating the Most Difficult Relationship Issues We Face in the Modern Age.”
Elizabeth identifies two primary types of conflicts couples face: solvable and perpetual issues. Perpetual issues often lead to circular discussions. We also examine how differing communication styles between genders can create misunderstandings, as well as how traditional gender roles can influence LGBTQ relationships.
We delve into the common financial disputes couples encounter, highlighting that these conflicts often extend beyond mere money concerns. Many financial discussions are intertwined with deeper fears and insecurities, shaped by childhood experiences with money.
“Money is one of the most sensitive topics we can address,” Elizabeth explains. “While we might be debating a vacation destination, at its core, it relates to feelings of safety and security.”
Elizabeth provides practical advice for navigating disagreements with your partner, emphasizing the importance of considering their perspective. We also discuss strategies for managing feelings of overwhelm and knowing when to pause a conversation.
In our Mailbag segment, we tackle whether couples should maintain joint or separate financial accounts. Additionally, we hear from a listener seeking advice on aligning her and her wife’s investment and retirement strategies. In Thrive, check out the best budgeting tips for your 30s.
