Essential financial insights for stay-at-home moms from someone who understands the challenges. (Asking my husband to cover my credit card charges was quite uncomfortable.)
Initially, managing finances was simple. I worked as a lawyer while my husband was an engineer, and our incomes were similar. Then, I took a leap and moved to Colorado to support a CBD legalization initiative.
This choice meant a pay reduction, but the excitement of being involved in something significant was worth it. However, excitement doesn’t pay rent. That’s when we decided to adopt budgeting software — while there are various choices, a popular option is YouNeedABudget (YNAB).
Before I left for Colorado, we spent a day organizing our budget, allocating allowances for fixed expenses and discretionary spending. We realized we could create a practical budget by allowing some leeway for those impulsive purchases we make when stressed or just wanting a little treat — a small “amusement” category for each of us.
Most of the time, we used this amusement budget for $3 coffees. Living on a strict budget, it felt wonderfully rebellious to indulge in some guilt-free spending, defying typical financial advice.
Pregnancy, Challenges, and Adjusting to One Salary
Upon returning to Boston, updating our budgeting software felt like a celebration as we adjusted for just one rent bill and two incomes. That was the plan until winter brought unexpected news: I was pregnant, and I faced a condition known as hyperemesis gravidarum, which meant relentless nausea.
The ensuing months were a blur. Amid hospital visits and sickness, my husband relocated us to a smaller apartment to manage on one income until I was back to work.
As I entered my second trimester, I started feeling better. Since I still wasn’t employed, we revisited our budgeting software and adjusted our budgets to accommodate two and a half lives on a single income. We had to tighten our belts, but we made it work.
At first, I didn’t fully grasp that I was relying entirely on my husband’s salary. We still made financial choices together, and I was adhering to my budget and paying bills from my account.
However, during my third trimester, I went to pay my credit card bill and found I couldn’t cover it. That moment made me realize the unique financial considerations for stay-at-home moms without a paycheck.
Not having an income stung; the idea of asking my husband for help with my credit card bill was daunting. I dreaded him seeing the statement and questioning the Sephora purchase. Would I have to justify my monthly $29 crayon? What if he deemed it excessive?
What This Stay-at-Home Mom Did Next
He told me to send him the amount I required. So, the next morning, I drafted a list of expenses. I thought about including my credit card bill, or even more daunting, itemizing everything on it.
But I remembered we had already mapped out our expenses. We had budgets for everything, including “amusement.” So, I created a line for “My Amusement Budget,” added it all up, and sent it to him. An hour later, I received an email confirming he had transferred the funds to my account and set up an automatic monthly transfer.
I hadn’t planned my return to work, but I assumed it would be soon after the baby arrived. That was until I discovered that average Massachusetts daycare costs exceeded my college tuition ($16,000 annually). So, I decided to stay home longer.
Once I took on full-time baby care, I no longer felt awkward about not earning a paycheck — mainly because I had no time to feel self-conscious (judges at least offer bathroom breaks; toddlers don’t knock).
This small, personal amusement fund has helped me keep my financial dignity intact. Not only does this money cater to my personal desires, but I also have control over how it’s spent.
Now, I’ve launched my own business as a recruiter, which I love, although investing in it comes with its own challenges. I’m thankful we established a respectful budgeting system early on, and I firmly believe there’s a need for financial insights tailored for stay-at-home moms.
Incomes, much like life, fluctuate.
