Understanding our money habits is essential. Emotional factors often fuel overspending, anxiety about finances, and a desire for control. How often have you found yourself repeating behaviors you promised to change? We tend to assure ourselves we won't overspend during stressful times. We resolve to stop bailing others out and commit to saying no. We aim to tackle growing credit card debt instead of trying to purchase our way out of discomfort.
Yet, we often find ourselves stuck in the same cycles, leading to similar negative financial outcomes.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton explains that these behaviors are more about our need for control than about money itself. During a recent conversation, we discussed the emotional factors that can quietly undermine our financial well-being, particularly during challenging life transitions such as midlife crises, divorce, or retirement.
Here's what we discovered.
Control: When a Strength Becomes Self-Sabotage
Interviewer: You mention that many of us learn early on that being perfectly prepared and responsible prevents bad outcomes. How does this need for control shift from being helpful to harmful?
Kati Morton: In therapy, we refer to this as locus of control. It's about understanding what we can control. We should cultivate an internal locus of control since the only thing we truly have power over is ourselves. When our actions align with our values and help us achieve our goals, that's a healthy expression of control, supported by motivation and consistency.
Why Financial Anxiety Is Heightened Today
Interviewer: You've noted the challenges posed by the chaotic global situation. Some respond by saying, 'You only live once,' leading them to spend more freely. Is this reaction rational?
Kati Morton: Absolutely. The current world feels chaotic and out of control, prompting many to seek immediate comfort. While we can't dictate global events, we shouldn't let them hinder our personal decision-making. Imagine allowing someone else to dictate your feelings—how unsettling that would be. Recognizing that this mindset is impulsive rather than irrational is critical.
Final Thoughts: Compassion, Control, and Regaining Your Power
Interviewer: How can we move past these issues?
Kati Morton: First, we need to acknowledge that many of us operate on autopilot, stuck in outdated patterns. It's like relying on an old computer system without realizing it. A significant part of my healing process, and that of my clients, involves identifying the origins of these patterns.
I encourage curiosity over judgment. Taking small steps is vital. When negotiating your next contract, consider asking for a bit more than you typically would. It's essential to reassure yourself that stepping outside your comfort zone is both safe and acceptable. Allow yourself the time to adapt, as this understanding will be crucial in making different choices.
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