Do you and your friends discuss finances? Salaries? Debt? You should start.

Growing up, my parents went to great lengths to keep their income a secret from me. When filling out forms for college aid, they insisted I leave the income section blank, later completing it while I was out of the room. This left me puzzled about our financial situation. Though we weren’t struggling, the secrecy made me anxious. A bit of transparency could have been beneficial.

For much of my life, I mirrored my parents' approach, avoiding discussions about financial matters. My friends and I were open about personal issues like relationships and health, but money was a taboo topic. Sharing financial information with a partner came easily, yet talking about finances with friends felt impossible.

I didn't recognize the communication gaps created by this secrecy. I often wondered why Erika appeared uneasy during dinners, or why Michael seemed perpetually stressed. I felt frustrated when Alexis invited me to events I couldn't afford, forcing me to make excuses.

Everything changed when my friend Brian sought my advice on negotiating his new job's salary. We debated whether he should request a 20% increase or a specific figure that might elevate him into a higher tax bracket. Without sharing exact numbers, our conversation felt unproductive.

Then, Brian shared his desired salary.

Suddenly, we were having a genuine conversation. Our relationship's trust and intimacy deepened instantly. We began to discuss our budgets, savings, debts, and financial values.

We were astonished to discover how much we didn’t know about each other, despite our close friendship. Brian often asks for my opinion on his dating choices, and I frequently chat with his mom. Excluding financial discussions meant we were missing a significant aspect of our lives, as money influences everything.

Inspired by Brian, I decided to open up about finances with my friends. I would say, “What if we talked about concrete numbers?” whenever the topic of money came up. Sometimes, the conversation would begin with student loans, rent, or travel plans. I was surprised by the lack of resistance; it seemed my friends had been waiting for this invitation. Our friendship was built on honesty, allowing us to bypass any awkwardness. While it might not be easy for everyone, it's worth a shot. Once someone takes the first step, the relief of being candid is liberating.

Now, discussing finances and salaries with my friends is routine, extending beyond just salary talks. Erika and I prefer cooking at home because I understand dining out isn't within her budget. Michael is more relaxed, openly sharing his financial stress and leaning on friends for support. I no longer resent Alexis after explaining that our entertainment budgets differ. Now we have fun dance parties at my place or cozy movie nights.

I’ve also helped friends check their credit scores and identify ways to improve them. We even established a weekly budget check-in to keep each other accountable.

Being open about financial matters has deepened our understanding of each other’s values and aspirations. I feel truly seen and understood, fostering a level of intimacy that transcends superficial interactions.